The Confessional: Being Bipolar pt3 (video blog) My thoughts on depression, suicide, giving advice, and Robin Williams

I know it's been forever since I posted anything on my blog. So here's something new for you:

With the recent death of Robin Williams, and a personal email I received regarding my Confessional videos, I felt compelled to say something and record it (like one does.) Unfortunately I am appearing in this next installment of the Bipolar video series sporting a shaggy scruff. So if you don't mind getting advice from a guy who currently looks like Santa Claus's gay-porn fuck buddy, then click the video below and enjoy(?) I grew it out for a music video I am shooting for A Fallen Mind. It should be gone by next week, but I digress...

I'll also have some links below the video that you might be interested in, especially if you are seeking help and/or trying to understand bipolarism and other mental health issues.

If you, or someone you know, needs to talk to someone about suicide (or any other mental health issue), please visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Call anytime, day or night. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you would like to contact me because of this, or any of my other videos, feel free to drop me an email at afallenmind@gmail.com. You can also leave a comment in the comments section below. Thank you.

I am Jack's Inner Douchebag

So I wrote a blog post earlier and later deleted it. It was a good one, too. It was a scathing entry about how someone had done something that I was doing and it pissed me off. I know that's vague, but I don't feel like rehashing the situation. Basically I felt they were stealing my idea (that I got from someone else, go figure.)

Come to find out a few hours later they had started theirs right before I did. Oopsie. Suddenly I felt like douchebag.

I often have moments where I see something that pisses me off and I jump the gun on it. I automatically assume that something -- or someone -- is fucking me over without buying me dinner and immediately I get defensive. Unfortunately it's a part of my bipolarism. It's sad, really. I usually feel like a complete moron afterwards. And it happens more often than you would think.

I posted a two-part vlog on my youtube channel a few months ago about being bipolar. You can find them here and here. Being bipolar, in a few words, sucks ass. I can be sitting there feeling just fine, then something will happen and suddenly I take it completely wrong and get pissed off. Or I'll get frustrated with a situation and get angry, but can't find the words to express how I feel, so I shut down. I don't want anyone or anything to touch me, talk to me, or even look at me. I feel like I could explode at any minute. And it sucks when I do because everyone around me gets hurt by my words.

I used to be violent when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. I broke a lot of objects. Punched a lot of holes in walls. Not proud of it at all, but it is what it is. I don't do any of that shit anymore. Now I keep myself contained and walk away. I sulk, I brood, I go spend time alone. Usually I'll go play video games where I can shoot people or beat people up, or I'll listen to loud music. That calms me down the most.

Anyway, I deal with shit better than I used to, but I still scare people sometimes. I don't mean to. I never mean to. But I have been told that the looks I give when I am pissed could burn holes. Sometimes I wish they could see the person I used to be so they would know how much I have changed for the better. I used to be a fucking asshole. Now I'm just a dickhead with a blog.

Movin' on Up (Re: Fuck Word Press)

So I've decided to move my blog over here to blogger. If you have never read my old blog, you haven't missed out on shit. But if you really want to look at it, here's a link. Really, it's nothing to get excited about.

I made the move over to blogger for my freedom. *sniff* It's the American way. *sniff sniff*

No, not that kind of freedom. I left wordpress because they won't let me customize my page anymore. Sure I can add widgets 'n shit. But if I want to update the look of my page -- and let's face it, my old blog looks like sheeeeeee-it -- then I have to pay them money to do that. I'm sorry, but fuck you. I'll pay money for a lot of stupid shit, but to do basic stuff to my blog page? Fuck that. Not when blogger will let me do what I want and I have to pay zero dollars for it. THAT, my friends, IS the American way.

So here I am on blogger with my first post and I have nothing to really write about except for this whiney little rant. I guess if you want some kind of preview of the shit that I write about, you can check the following links from my old blog:

• Back from the Dead
• So I Have This New Album Coming Up
• Godzilla's Friends Are Assholes
• Don't Have Any Damn Money? Read On...

That's about as good as it gets. But there will probably be less shilling of my band and projects (who am I kidding?) and more in-depth crap like the first and third link. Or maybe not. Who the hell knows? I do this because I get bored.

And speaking of getting bored, why the hell have you made it this far into my blog post? Seriously, is there nothing else you could be doing with your free time? Here's some ideas:

1. You could go for a walk. Take the dog with you. He looks like he's gotta pee, for fucks sake.

2. Go start a blog about how much this blog sucks. 

3. Pray to Jesus. It's about as productive as what you're doing right now.

4. Friend me on Facebook. I warn you, though, I'm about as thrilling as I am right here.

5. Go check out my band's music. This, actually, is a good thing.

6. Tell Pat Robertson to go fuck himself. If you put it on youtube I'll post it on my blog.

Or whatever.