The Confessional: Being Bipolar pt3 (video blog) My thoughts on depression, suicide, giving advice, and Robin Williams

I know it's been forever since I posted anything on my blog. So here's something new for you:

With the recent death of Robin Williams, and a personal email I received regarding my Confessional videos, I felt compelled to say something and record it (like one does.) Unfortunately I am appearing in this next installment of the Bipolar video series sporting a shaggy scruff. So if you don't mind getting advice from a guy who currently looks like Santa Claus's gay-porn fuck buddy, then click the video below and enjoy(?) I grew it out for a music video I am shooting for A Fallen Mind. It should be gone by next week, but I digress...

I'll also have some links below the video that you might be interested in, especially if you are seeking help and/or trying to understand bipolarism and other mental health issues.

If you, or someone you know, needs to talk to someone about suicide (or any other mental health issue), please visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Call anytime, day or night. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you would like to contact me because of this, or any of my other videos, feel free to drop me an email at afallenmind@gmail.com. You can also leave a comment in the comments section below. Thank you.

I am Jack's Inner Douchebag

So I wrote a blog post earlier and later deleted it. It was a good one, too. It was a scathing entry about how someone had done something that I was doing and it pissed me off. I know that's vague, but I don't feel like rehashing the situation. Basically I felt they were stealing my idea (that I got from someone else, go figure.)

Come to find out a few hours later they had started theirs right before I did. Oopsie. Suddenly I felt like douchebag.

I often have moments where I see something that pisses me off and I jump the gun on it. I automatically assume that something -- or someone -- is fucking me over without buying me dinner and immediately I get defensive. Unfortunately it's a part of my bipolarism. It's sad, really. I usually feel like a complete moron afterwards. And it happens more often than you would think.

I posted a two-part vlog on my youtube channel a few months ago about being bipolar. You can find them here and here. Being bipolar, in a few words, sucks ass. I can be sitting there feeling just fine, then something will happen and suddenly I take it completely wrong and get pissed off. Or I'll get frustrated with a situation and get angry, but can't find the words to express how I feel, so I shut down. I don't want anyone or anything to touch me, talk to me, or even look at me. I feel like I could explode at any minute. And it sucks when I do because everyone around me gets hurt by my words.

I used to be violent when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. I broke a lot of objects. Punched a lot of holes in walls. Not proud of it at all, but it is what it is. I don't do any of that shit anymore. Now I keep myself contained and walk away. I sulk, I brood, I go spend time alone. Usually I'll go play video games where I can shoot people or beat people up, or I'll listen to loud music. That calms me down the most.

Anyway, I deal with shit better than I used to, but I still scare people sometimes. I don't mean to. I never mean to. But I have been told that the looks I give when I am pissed could burn holes. Sometimes I wish they could see the person I used to be so they would know how much I have changed for the better. I used to be a fucking asshole. Now I'm just a dickhead with a blog.