Monday, August 24, 2015

Help Save Demon! Our Baby Needs an M.R.I. Brain Scan :(



Usually I post funny or (hopefully) thought-provoking things on my blog. But I need to talk about something closer to my heart right now. My baby Demon.

I am the proud owner of this little guy in the pic above. He's been with our family for several years now and he always brings a smile to everyone's face when they meet him. Recently Demon had to go to the emergency hospital for seizures. We don't know how long he's been having them, but they have become a nightmare for him now. He lays in bed, or on the floor, crying. Disoriented. Not sure what to do. His back legs don't work as well as they used to after his recent episode and he becomes confused easily now. He's hanging in there the best he can, but we don't know for how much longer.

The doctor said that Demon is having seizures due to lesions in his brain. In order to give him the proper care that he needs, we need to have an MRI brain scan done. But it's $2000. We can't even come close to affording that and it shatters our family that he may pass away at any given time because we don't know what's going on in his head.

Please, I'm asking from everything that is in me, please help us get the medical care that he needs. All donations will go towards the MRI scan and caring for Demon once we find out what is causing his seizures, even if we reach above our goal. Will you please help?



Want to post a link on your FB page or blog about this? Here's our easy redirect link for posting:

http://afallenmind.com/demon

Please share if you care.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Why You Should Be Nice to Homophobic People (a theory from experience)

I am almost 40 years old (at the time of writing this) and I have lived in a lot of states here in the U.S. I’ve lived in the north, the west coast, the east coast, and lived more than half my life in the south. In my time dwelling under the Mason-Dixon line, I was surrounded by things like the confederate flag, homophobia, transgender phobia, and all the other oh-so-lovely things that come with southern living.

Most of my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood was spent being molded in “stars and bars country” and for a long time it shaped my world view in some tragic ways.

Come for the hate, stay for the psychological damage!

I grew up in a town where, if you told your best friend of the same gender that you loved them (as a friend or otherwise) you were labeled as a “faggot.” If you dated outside your own race, regardless of which race -- Asian with a white person, African American with an Hispanic person, etc -- you were labeled a “nigger lover.” (their words, not mine.) Even if you were a bisexual female – which seems to be the most widely accepted form of homosexuality in the U.S. cause, you know, horny men – you were still called the OTHER “F-word.”

For a miserably long time I adopted a passive version of this way of thinking. I found homosexuality disgusting and weird. Two dudes kissing? Ewwwwwwwwwww...... You know, that sort of thing. But beyond that, I didn’t give it much thought because it wasn’t part of my immediate world view. As far as I knew, I didn’t have gay relatives. None of my friends were gay. So it didn’t directly affect me.

My first experience with homosexuality was when I was in high school and I started dating a girl who was bisexual. The homophobic part of me was kind of wary of it, but the horny male in me was like “Fuck yeah! Two chicks at once!” Yeah, I know. You don’t even have to say it.

There was one day in particular that I remember clearly and I think it’s when I started (slowly) questioning my own homophobia. I was walking home from school with the girl I mentioned and her girlfriend and a car full of guys drove by. As they sped past, they leaned out the window and called her and her girlfriend all kinds of homophobic slurs. “Dyke,” “queer,” “fag,” etc. My first thought was, “Dude, it’s two CHICKS together! How could you be against something so hot and awesome??” I know it’s kind of a sad way to coming around to the reality of how bad the problem is, but it’s what happened. From that day onward, my eyes started opening to how the world really works with these kind of assholes and it made me wonder why I felt the way they did.

hypnocreative / 123RF Stock Photo

But I don't FEEL like an asshole...? Maybe I should call Dr. Phil.


In my later years, I moved to a bigger town that was more accepting of interracial and homosexual relationships. As a teenager that grew up around bigotry for yeeeears, it fucked with my “sensibilities.” I wasn’t a total dick towards gay people, but I wasn’t exactly the most welcoming person. I wound up hanging out with gay people because they were friends with my straight friends. And while I kept my opinion to myself, inside I was squeamish as all holy fuck. Gay dudes were gross to me. Lesbian women were a turn off. I wasn’t fully aware of the fact that I had a pretty shitty view of other people in general growing up.

It wasn’t until I saw the issue of gay marriage being raised several years ago that I started to fully confront my own way of thinking. In the small town I lived in, I was unsurprisingly tormented for various reasons. I moved there when I was in 3rd grade and didn’t leave until I was in the middle of high school. If it wasn’t because I was the new kid, then it was about my weight, or it was my acne, or whatever random bullshit they wanted to pull out of their ass. There was tons of shit said about me or directly to me. So, as an underdog myself, I started realizing that I understood in a small way how people in the homosexual community felt. And as my self-awareness grew, I started becoming aware of others' homophobia as well. What floored me was that some of the things I heard from people were not exactly attacking, but it wasn’t accepting either. Perfect example would be a family member who still looks at two men kissing on tv and says “Ew, that’s gross.” Thankfully this person is kind enough to not say those kind of things in public. I think a lot of my distant relatives feel the way this person does and it makes me sad.



Don’t get me wrong. The years of living in that southern hell hole scarred me and I still find myself saying “Ew” to myself when I see two dudes kissing. I have to stop myself before the thought continues and remind myself that human beings in love and showing affection are NOT disgusting. They are being human. Just like I am being when I show affection with my wife. It does not mean that I have to be attracted to them. What it does mean is that I have to respect them as human beings.

Which brings me to the reason I started writing this: A friend of mine wrote something on his FB page about whether he would serve straight couples if the tables were turned. Being a reasonable, non-asshole, he said he wouldn’t just quit his job or be mean to them. My response to his status is as follows and I’d like to expand on it:

“...you haven't psychologically bullshitted yourself with religious buzzwords into believing a viewpoint of bigotry. To (homophobes), they don't believe they are bigots because they have sugar coated their personal language. Instead of calling gay people the OTHER "f word" they use "adam and eve, not adam and steve" or they say it's against the bible and give no more forethought. If pressed for clarification, or asked directly, if it's because they think it's gross (which is what their real problem is) their brains will start bulking and going haywire… their programming is being "hacked" in a manner of speaking. If they live with this way of thinking for a long time, it will become a part of their identity and as people grow older they cling to an identity harder and harder as the world changes around them so they can feel comfortable and stable. Messing with a person's long held beliefs can cause them to psychologically crumble. This is why many of those people refuse to change their minds because they don't want to learn a different way to think and feel. It would fundamentally change their personal identity.”

Think back on everything that I talked about with my own personal experiences. I was surrounded by homophobic people that didn’t even believe they were being homophobic (except, of course, the people who would sling racial and homophobic slurs. Fuck those people.) I, myself, never considered myself a bigot in any way, shape, or form. And yet I was. I was giving into the social norms that surrounded me and I let it reshape my view of the world.

The truest essence of who I am is not hateful. I have always wanted peace and freedom for all. I have always wanted the best for other people. And I truly feel that the majority of people on this planet are good and want good for others. This is why I am starting to believe that we should try to educate people who have a homophobic view of the world. If I hadn’t been around gay people as I grew up, my views would have never changed. I’ve noticed over the years that most reasonable people will change their opinions if they are friends with somebody who goes against that opinion.

So I believe one of the best ways to combat homophobia is for the gay community to try to become friends with homophobic people. I know it's not an easy solution and there will be resistance to this idea from both sides. I can hear some of my friends saying, "You want ME to be friends with that asshole over there that wants to beat me up?? Are you NUTS??"

He seems reasonable. What could possibly go wrong?


I get that. And my view is that it needs to be done with caution. Don't just walk up to a bunch of racist skinheads and go "Hey, I'm gay! Wanna go get a drink?" Not a good idea. But, generally speaking, in my own personal experience I have found that when people like you, they are more accepting of the way you are and, in turn, will be more accepting of the way other people are who share your traits. People respond better to kindness and compassion rather than punishment and dismissal. And scientific research may have proven that. 

I know it's easier to yell at someone who doesn't agree with you. And it's vastly easier to slap a label on someone and mentally kick them to the curb rather than trying to understand them. I have been guilty of this many times (including in this article.) But think about it: Why are these people like this? No one is born hating anyone. In the beginning we are all taught how to think and what to feel. Eventually some of us form our own opinions, but really. No one comes out of the womb with a swastika on their forehead. So why do they hate? It may be because their religion told them to. It may be that their immediate social situation told them to (friends can be assholes.) Or it may mean that they, themselves, are gay but afraid to come out. 

So take a moment before dismissively calling someone a homophobe and think about where they are coming from. You might find that giving them a handshake may help your situation more than berating them. Or at the very least, just be nice to them. They are expecting you to fight with them. You are representing the very people they are uncomfortable with. In their eyes you are an icon. Don't give them fuel to feed their narrow-minded point of view. That just reinforces their stereotype. We don't just need equality in the world, we need leaders. Lead by example and be the change you want to see in the world. Show that you are not what they fear. Compassion takes all the fight out of the fight and when confronted with this information, there is a chance that they will eventually have to question their own personal views. And isn't that what we supporters, and members, of the LGTBQ community truly want?

Monday, June 8, 2015

Why Do People Create Gods?


Imagine yourself back when you were a small child and looked up at the night sky. It's dark, mysterious, sometimes scary-looking and sometimes things move up there. When you're young, you imagine what those things moving around are. The comets, the twinkling stars. It all seems alive somehow. Like there are people up there doing magical, wondrous things. If no one tells you what they are, or if you don't discover the truth on your own, then you start to create stories to make sense of it all. Beings from another place begin to come alive when you tell your stories. If you tell those stories to other people, some of them might believe them.

Over the course of time these stories, like posts on a Facebook page, start to take on a life of their own. The stories get told to other people and morph into ideologies and religions. People of religion eventually teach these stories to their children, who don't know any better, and they grow up believing what they have been taught. But why do these stories involve gods?

When you are first born, the world is raw, scary, and big. Your first point of reference of anyone doing anything is usually your parents, the doctors, and nurses. Big people. Very big people. And they take care of you. Now time travel back to when humans started communicating to each other, at a time when there was no knowledge of science and astronomy, and you can see how these stories can get morphed easily into a mythology. People through out history have invented big people up in the sky as an explanation for what they were seeing. Labeling helps to give human beings a sense of some kind of control. If people can label it, then they know what they can do with it (ie - worship, etc.)

Now think about someone denouncing your religion. It makes you angry, right? How dare they say something negative about what you believe. It feels like a personal attack because they are telling you that what you have believed your whole life is wrong. They are saying that what your wonderful parents taught you was wrong. It feels like they are calling your parents, who are good people, liars. This is a common occurrence across many religions (and in the non-religious community as well.) It's a scary thought to have your beliefs crumble when you've lived so many years believing in something. As you get older, you grab onto your beliefs more and more in a scary world because at the end of the day, that's all you have left that feels solid. Your house could be sold from under you, your best friend or relative could die, you could lose all your money without meaning to... but you still have your beliefs. It comforts us in a chaotic existence filled with uncertainty. Life could go to hell, but at least you know you can go to heaven.

But is it really true?

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Why Am I Not Signed to a Record Label? Because the Music Industry is a Broken Shark Tank

For those who don't know what I do, I am a working musician with two bands: A Fallen Mind and Fuzzy Death Machine. A Fallen Mind has two albums out (working on a third) and Fuzzy Death Machine is working on it's debut album. I work night and day (literally) trying to promote either band in every way that I can. I've invested tons of money, I've submitted to many different radio stations and industry "professionals", etc etc. And I've been doing this for years.

So why am I an unknown, unsigned artist doing it all myself? Because the music industry is broken.



Music "professionals" and record labels will only accept your music based on a few factors:

  • Does your music sound professionally put together?
    Because everyone has the money to rent out studio time and master their songs, right?
    I mean, why should the record companies do their job when you can do it for them?
  • How many fans do you have?
    When they want to know this, they mean on Facebook, on Twitter, on Youtube, etc... not actual flesh and blood fans. They don't give a damn if these numbers are fluffed up. They don't look at whether these "fans" actually listen to your band (as opposed to just clicking "Like" and moving on.) Industry "pros" look at a number and make a blanket decision. But that doesn't entirely matter, if the answer to the next question is "Yes," which is....
  • Do you have tits? (and/or are you good looking in the stereotypical sense?)
    No? Sorry. The music industry can't help you then...
    Unless, of course, you wow them by blowing them away and make it on your own (see Susan Boyle.) If you're lucky enough to make that happen, then they will fall all over themselves trying to sign you. My question is: Where the fuck were you before they made it? Now you want to sign them after they busted their ass and pushed past all your rejections? That's like the popular kids beating you up for years at school and then wanting to be your friend after you've become popular. Fuck you.

    Then it comes back to money....again:
  • Are you willing to Pay to Play?
    If you want to submit your material to a label or an industry "professional", you better have money. Everything is pay to play now. EVERY. THING. Want to get on iTunes? Money. Spotify? Money. Submit your song to possibly be in a movie? Unless you know the director (or the director is kool with it), you have to pay. Don't believe me? Check out places like Music Xray, Tunecore, etc etc. And if you ask why A Fallen Mind is on those sites, it's not because I'm special. I PAYED to be there or to utilize their service.

So I have to do it all myself, because I'm broke. I'm barely hanging onto my house, my mental disabilities and my childrens' disabilities keep me from getting any kind of steady job (I also can't play a gig due to some of my kids' disability issues), and the only way to do this is to work my ass off in every other way that I can..... just to make it a fraction of the distance that most people with money make in a week or month.

How much work do I do to promote my stuff (and feel like a sellout whore at the same time)?
I'm on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, Youtube, and then a fuckton of other social media sites which I've probably let crumble due to the fact that it's hard as hell keeping up with all of them. I've paid to be on iTunes, YouTube Music, Spotify, Amazon, Google Play, Rdio, Deezer, Xbox Music, Rhapsody, eMusic, Simfy Africa, iHeartRadio, MixRadio, MediaNet, VerveLife, Tidal, Gracenote, Shazam, 7Digital, Juke, JB Hi-Fi, Slacker, Guvera, KKBox, Akazoo, Anghami, Spinlet, Neurotic Media, Yandex, Target Music, ClaroMusica, Play.me, Zvooq, Saavn, and 8tracks. When I play games on my PS4, I broadcast my gameplay via Twitch with a message that promotes my stuff during the broadcast (I also name my characters after my band for name recognition.) I work with other people in the industry to help promote their stuff as well as my own. I'm also licensed through BMI, which costs money, too.

When I tell people that I'm a struggling artist, some look at me like I'm crazy. The graphics and websites set up for my bands look somewhat professional and I promote myself as professionally as I can stand, so I must have money, right? No. The only reason that my stuff looks the way it does is because I'm good with Photoshop. That's it. Almost everything that you see is done by me alone. The graphics, the music writing and mixing, the promoting, everything. I don't have a team working for me. I'm just lucky enough to have a couple of people who are willing to contribute their own musical work at times and hang in there with me long enough while I try to put our music out there.

There has to be a better way to do all this, but so far I haven't found it. It feels defeating. And I'm sorry to end this on a negative note, as I like to keep things positive to some degree, but I don't feel very positive about any of this shit anymore.



Oh and two things to note:
1. If you do a google search for my stuff, A Fallen Mind is NOT "Fallen Minds" or "Fallen Mind." Who ever these people are, they aren't me. And I'm sure this will turn into an ugly legal thing eventually, which I don't want to do, but hey! Music industry, right? It fucking sucks!

2. I put the word "professional" and "pro" in quotes because I've met these guys. Most of them are sleazy, superficial idiots who believe that their own personal, shallow view of life is the way the world works. So we end up getting the Justin Beibers and the One Directions and then ask why? The "why" is because the music industry is a broken ship being steered by greedy assholes who are surrounded by other greedy assholes in an ocean of sharks and more superficial assholes.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Confessional - Not All Atheists Are Assholes


The vlog entry above is a new installment of my award-coveting series: The Confessional. Why should you watch the video? You shouldn't. In fact, click here and run.

For those that stayed, here is the description from youtube:

This vlog entry was inspired by a segment I watched on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart -- Dec 9th, 2014. During the episode correspondent Jordan Klepper "spoke with the Freedom from Religion Foundation’s co-President Dan Barker about the group’s issue with Mary’s Gourmet Diner, a small business whose owner, Mary Haglund offers 15 percent discounts for customers who pray before meals. Klepper asked Barker why didn’t he just fake pray to get the discount, but Barker insisted it would be against his beliefs to do so." (quote from Newsbusters.org)

I wanted to discuss the subject of atheists and how atheists are being conveyed as jerk offs when you hear about them from other people. I also discuss how I feel about some "prominent atheists" who, in acting like a spokesperson for non-believers, come across as secular douchebags.


I think that pretty much sums it up. Snoogans.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

The Confessional: Being Bipolar pt3 (video blog)
My thoughts on depression, suicide, giving advice, and Robin Williams

I know it's been forever since I posted anything on my blog. So here's something new for you:

With the recent death of Robin Williams, and a personal email I received regarding my Confessional videos, I felt compelled to say something and record it (like one does.) Unfortunately I am appearing in this next installment of the Bipolar video series sporting a shaggy scruff. So if you don't mind getting advice from a guy who currently looks like Santa Claus's gay-porn fuck buddy, then click the video below and enjoy(?) I grew it out for a music video I am shooting for A Fallen Mind. It should be gone by next week, but I digress...

I'll also have some links below the video that you might be interested in, especially if you are seeking help and/or trying to understand bipolarism and other mental health issues.


If you, or someone you know, needs to talk to someone about suicide (or any other mental health issue), please visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Call anytime, day or night. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If you would like to contact me because of this, or any of my other videos, feel free to drop me an email at afallenmind@gmail.com. You can also leave a comment in the comments section below. Thank you.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Grand Theft Auto Online: The World of Citizen Kain



After posting a few things on here (here and here and here) about Grand Theft Auto 5 and Grand Theft Auto Online, I thought that maybe some of you would be curious about my online character and some of the things I have acquired in the online world: vehicles, clothing, dwellings, weapons, etc. Below are some images of myself and my stuff in GTA Online. I will try to update this post when I get new shit going on -- if I don't get lazy about it, that is.

Any changes or additions made will be noted at the bottom of this page, right below the post.


My Vehicles


(Some are multiple shots of the same vehicle)



My Apartment


My Character

 

Weapons


And finally I'll leave you with this gem...


    


Changes, Additions, or Subtractions:


None yet