I've been playing Grand Theft Auto Online ever since it was launched and I'm loving every minute. Actually, I take that back. There's a few things that do annoy me and those are newbie mistakes that players make. I don't single out all the newbs, because I've seen fuckers who are of equal level to me (currently I am level 72) who should gawd damn know better. I made some of them when I first started and I'm sure almost everyone does. So if you're a new comer to the GTA Online world, let me first extend my hand and say "What the fuck took you so long?"
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| None of these guys are my online character. |
Ok, let's begin:
1. DON'T PAUSE YOUR GAME
The Mistake: I've seen it many times. Usually when I'm running the newbie over with my tank. The online world doesn't act the same as in the regular GTA 5. You hit pause and the rest of the world keeps on going. It won't save your sorry ass.
Instead: Hold down the Select Button and then enable Passive Mode. It's in the menu that pops up. And unless GTA changes this shit (again) it should be free. Then climb up on a building or get behind a wall so you can't be run over by a vehicle.
This brings me to the next mistake...
2. YOU'RE NOT SAFE IN PASSIVE MODE ALL THE TIME
The Mistake: When you are in a vehicle, you can be shot by other players. Why GTA doesn't fix this is beyond me, but it's been that way from the get-go. Passive mode or not, you're toast in a car, in a truck, or on a motorcycle. Also, as I stated above, you can be run over and killed in Passive Mode by another vehicle. So don't get cocky when you think others see that circle with the cross out line over your head. More than likely they will say "Challenge Accepted!"
Instead: If you're a newbie and you're in a car, get to where you're going and don't fuck around. People online are grade A dickbags. I should know, I'm one of them.
3. PUT YOUR MONEY IN THE DAMN BANK
The Mistake: If you haven't mastered the art of depositing your on-hand cash (the green numbers up top, not the white ones), I suggest you learn quick. Someone comes along and kills you, they can get your money. Some of it. All of it. I don't know what the GTA regulations are on this one anymore, but people CAN and WILL steal any money you have dropped after they have floored you with a bazooka.
Instead: Use your cell phone and practice the art of depositing your money into the bank online. Don't use an ATM. Using an ATM is a great way of saying "Hey! I'm a retard! Steal all of my money NOW!" Practice depositing on your phone. Master it. You'll thank me later. Or not, depending on if I've blown you up or not.
4. USE YOUR HEADSET SPARINGLY
The Mistake: When you go into a mission, your headset becomes loud and clear to everyone waiting for the mission. I don't know about other players, but it annoys the fuck out of me. I don't want to be gearing up to go blast people in the face while listening to your baby cry in the background while you have an argument with your girlfriend (yes, that is an actual example.) It usually signals to people "Hey, shoot me first cause I'm an asshole."
Instead: Turn your headset off (or down) until the match starts! Oh, and if you're going to talk shit, be prepared to back it up cause more experienced players like myself LOVE to fuck over anyone being a jerk off. We're jerk offs ourselves, ya know.
5. DON'T PICK A STUPID FUCKING NAME
The Mistake: Since being on GTA Online, I have made it a hobby to track down people who have names like Sk8rboi_265 and NiGeRhater87. Seriously. I will spend dollars hand over fist, drive across mountains and beaches, fly through a thousand buildings just to destroy your ass.
Instead: Don't pick a cocky name unless you know for SURE someone is going to back you up and take you under their wing in the game. This is me trying to save you a world of shit. Don't pick IM_A_BAD_ASS or PLAYA_KILLA or anything like that. You make yourself a target.
And don't ask me to help you unless I have had more than one conversation with you. I'm not a people person and I don't like meeting new people as a general rule. I do, however, like to destroy their personal vehicle and risk getting banned to the Bad Sport arena. It's a hobby of mine.
6. DON'T TAKE MY DAMN SPOT
The Mistake: This is more of a request than anything else, but there's kind of an unwritten code of conduct among players. I've seen this happen a lot, done by players experienced and newb. During a survival (as an example) you pick a spot to hide out at so you can shoot at attackers coming in with a small amount of safety. After each wave, you go out and grab some ammo and come back. You've done this several time in the game, but then on wave #8 or #9 one of your team mates (probably named Capt_CousinFuckr) decides he likes your spot and takes it before you can come back. It's a bitch move and it's happened to me a lot. I will go out of my way to spend the rest of the mission making that guy's life a living hell. At that point I don't give a shit if I get killed or not. My main goal is to piss that guy off to no end.
Instead: Find your own spot and don't be a dick. Good players don't fuck with another teammate's chosen spot. If they've been there for a while and like it, let them have it. If you're getting your ass kicked and that guy has the best spot, suck it up and deal with it. People remember other player's conduct. And if they see your name on another mission they're hosting, they're liable to kick you out. And if they see you on the map, they will fuck with you hard. I know I would (and I have.)
This brings me to the next mistake (sort of)...
7. HAVE SOME FUCKING PATIENCE (and/or) DON'T TRY TO BE A HERO
The Mistake: You've got a lot of bullets. You want to show what a bad ass you are. You want to level up fast. Whatever the reason, you decide to stop hiding behind things and just go Rambo on every NPC bad guy you see. "I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!!" you say into your headset as the rest of your team rolls their eyes. "AAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Bang, your dead. So what, right? You went out in a blaze of glory!
Well... yes, you did. However in some missions you only have one life. And everyone relies on eachother. The whole team dies? Tough shit, it's over. And a lot of times people will remember you first. Not for being a bad ass. But for being a dumb ass. If you're on a survival mission and you keep getting killed, people will either think of you as a complete dumb fuck or a freeloader trying to get killed so everyone else has to do all the work. That's what happens, you know? You die in your jackassedry and everyone else has to make up for you being gone. It sucks and people will shun your immature ass.
Instead: Find a spot, stick to it, and be patient. If the spot sucks, find another, but FIND A FUCKING SPOT. Don't run out in the open thinking you're going to take out a bunch of NPC bad guys and look totally bad ass. You will, instead, die quickly and look like a pillow biter. I didn't make it to level 72 by trying to be the next online Terminator. I try to find the best spot, hold up, and let the bad guys come to me.
How good am I? I can do an entire survival mission by myself and not die. You try that. I'll wait.
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| Nope, sorry. Not my character either. |
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